{"id":257,"date":"2020-08-20T21:17:37","date_gmt":"2020-08-20T21:17:37","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/practicaltherapyofedmonds.com\/?p=257"},"modified":"2020-08-20T21:17:37","modified_gmt":"2020-08-20T21:17:37","slug":"automatic-thoughts-and-distortions","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/practicaltherapyofedmonds.com\/?p=257","title":{"rendered":"Automatic Thoughts and Distortions"},"content":{"rendered":"

AUTOMATIC THOUGHTS & DISTORTIONS<\/span><\/p>\n

The Self-Esteem Workbook ; Recognize and Replace Self-Defeating Thoughts<\/strong><\/p>\n

Whenever an upsetting event occurs, automatic thoughts (ATs) run through our minds.\u00a0 Although we\u2019re each capable of thinking reasonably about upsetting events, sometimes our automatic thoughts are distorted – or unreasonably negative.\u00a0 Distorted ATs occur so rapidly that we hardly notice them, let alone stop to question them. Yet these AT\u2019s profoundly affect our moods and our sense of worth.\u00a0 In this section, you\u2019ll learn to catch these distortions, challenge their logic, and replace them with thoughts that more closely align with reality instead of thoughts that depress.\u00a0\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

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ASSUMING<\/span><\/i><\/p>\n

In these circumstances, we assume the worst without testing the evidence.\u00a0 For instance, in the example above John assumed that the boss\u2019 scowl meant he was angry with John.\u00a0 John could have tested this assumption by simply asking, \u201cBoss, are you angry with me?\u201d\u00a0\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

Assuming <\/span><\/i>self-talk would also be when you tell yourself, \u201cI know I won\u2019t enjoy myself,\u201d or \u201cI know I\u2019ll do a lousy job even though I\u2019m prepared.\u201d More reasonable self-talk would be: \u201cI might or might not enjoy myself (do a good job, etc.). I\u2019m willing to experiment and see what happens.\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n

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SHOULDS (MUSTS\/OUGHTS)<\/span><\/i><\/p>\n

Shoulds (musts\/oughts) are demands we make of ourselves.\u00a0 For example: \u201cI should be a perfect lover\u201d; I must not make mistakes\u201d; \u201cI should have known better\u201d; or \u201cI should be happy and never depressed or tired.\u201d\u00a0 We think that we motivate ourselves with such statements.\u00a0 Usually, however, we just feel worse (e.g., since I <\/span>should<\/span><\/i> be so and so, and I\u2019m not that way, I then feel inadequate, frustrated, ashamed, and hopeless).<\/span><\/p>\n

Perhaps one of the only reasonable \u201cshoulds\u201d is that humans \u201cshould\u201d be fallible, just as we are, given our background, our imperfect understanding, and our present skill levels.\u00a0 If we really knew better (i.e., if we clearly understood the advantages of certain behaviors, and were perfectly capable of behaving that way), then we <\/span>would<\/span><\/i> be better. One solution, then, is to replace \u201cshoulds\u201d with \u201cwoulds\u201d or \u201ccoulds\u201d (It <\/span>would<\/span><\/i> be nice if I did that.\u00a0 I wonder how I <\/span>could<\/span><\/i> do that).\u00a0 Or replace \u201cshoulds\u201d with \u201cwant to\u2019s\u201d\u00a0 (I <\/span>want to <\/span><\/i>do that because it is to my advantage, not because someone is telling me I <\/span>should<\/span><\/i> or <\/span>must<\/span><\/i>).<\/span><\/p>\n

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THE FAIRYTALE FANTASY<\/span><\/i><\/p>\n

The fairytale fantasy means demanding the ideal from life.\u00a0 This is really a special type of \u201cshould.\u201d \u201cThat\u2019s not fair!\u201d or \u201cWhy did that have to happen?\u201d often means \u201cThe world shouldn\u2019t be the way it is.\u201d\u00a0 In reality, bad and unfair things happen to good people – sometimes randomly, sometimes because of the unreasonableness of others, and sometimes because of our own imperfections.\u00a0 To expect that the world be different is to invite disappointment.\u00a0 To expect that others treat us fairly, when they often have their own ideas about what is fair, is also to invite disappointment.\u00a0 Again, a \u201cwould\u201d or a \u201ccould\u201d is a wise substitute for a \u201cshould\u201d (e.g., \u201cIt <\/span>would<\/span><\/i> be nice if things were ideal, but they\u2019re not.\u00a0 Too bad.\u00a0 Now, I wonder what I <\/span>could <\/span><\/i>do to improve things\u201d).<\/span><\/p>\n

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ALL or NOTHING THINKING<\/span><\/i><\/p>\n

With all or nothing thinking you hold yourself to the impossible standard of perfection (or something close to it).\u00a0 When you fall short of this standard, you conclude that you are a total failure as a person.\u00a0 For example, \u201cIf I\u2019m not the best, I\u2019m a flop\u201d; \u201cIf I\u2019m not performing perfectly, I\u2019m a loser\u201d; \u201cIf I score below 90% I\u2019m a failure\u201d; \u201cA rough edge means I\u2019m all bad.\u201d\u00a0 This is unreasonable because such absolute, black and white extremes rarely exist.\u00a0 Even if it were possible to perform perfectly (it isn\u2019t), performing below some standard usually means we\u2019ve performed at 80% – rarely at 0 percent.\u00a0 And poor <\/span>performance<\/span><\/i> never makes a complex <\/span>person<\/span><\/i> worthless, just fallible.\u00a0 Ask yourself, \u201cWhy <\/span>must <\/span><\/i>I bat one thousand?\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n

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OVERGENERALIZING\u00a0<\/span><\/i><\/p>\n

Overgeneralizing is deciding that negative experiences describe your life completely.\u00a0 For example, \u201cI <\/span>always<\/span><\/i> ruin <\/span>everything<\/span><\/i>\u201d; \u201cI <\/span>always<\/span><\/i> get rejected in love\u201d; \u201cNo one likes me; everybody hates me\u201d; \u201cI never do well at math.\u201d Such global statements are unkind, depressing, and usually inaccurate to some degree.\u00a0 The antidote is to use more precise language: \u201c<\/span>Some<\/span><\/i> of my skills are not <\/span>yet<\/span><\/i> well developed\u201d; I\u2019m not as tactful in <\/span>some<\/span><\/i> social situations as I\u2019d like\u201d; \u201c<\/span>Sometimes<\/span><\/i> people don\u2019t approve of me (<\/span>sometimes<\/span><\/i> some<\/span><\/i> people do)\u201d; \u201cAlthough <\/span>some<\/span><\/i> aspects of my life haven\u2019t gone well, that doesn\u2019t mean I never do reasonably well.\u201d\u00a0 Be a healthy optimist: expect to find small ways to improve situations and notice what\u2019s going well.\u00a0\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

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LABELING<\/span><\/i><\/p>\n

Here you give yourself a label, or name, as though a single word describes a person completely.\u00a0 For example: \u201cI\u2019m such a loser\u201d; I\u2019m stupid\u201d; \u201cI\u2019m dumb\u201d; \u201cI\u2019m boring.\u201d To say, \u201cI <\/span>am<\/span><\/i> stupid\u201d means I <\/span>always<\/span><\/i>, in every way, am stupid.\u00a0 In fact, some people who behave quite stupidly at times, also behave quite intelligently at other times.\u00a0 Because humans are too complex for simple labels, confine labels to behaviors (e.g., \u201cThat was a silly thing to do.\u201d), or ask, \u201cAm I <\/span>always<\/span><\/i> stupid? Sometimes, perhaps, but not <\/span>always<\/span><\/i>.\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n

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DWELLING on the NEGATIVE<\/span><\/i><\/p>\n

Suppose you go to a party and notice that a guest has dog poop on his shoe. The more you think about it, the more uncomfortable you get. In this distortion, you focus in on the negative aspects of a situation, while ignoring the positive aspects. So the whole situation looks negative.\u00a0 Other examples: \u201cHow can I feel good about the day when I was criticized?\u201d; \u201cHow can I enjoy life when my children have problems?\u201d; \u201cHow can I feel good about myself when I make mistakes?\u201d; \u201cThe steak is burnt – the meal is ruined!\u201d\u00a0 A solution to this habit is to re-examine your options: \u201cWould I enjoy thing more (and feel better about myself) if I chose a different focus?\u201d; \u201cWhat pleasing things could I still find to enjoy?\u201d; \u201cWhat would I think on a good day?\u201d; \u201cHow would someone with sound self-esteem view this situation?\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n

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REJECTING the POSITIVE<\/span><\/i><\/p>\n

Dwelling on the negative overlooks positive aspects.\u00a0 Here we actually negate positives so that our self-esteem remains low.\u00a0 For example, someone compliments your work.\u00a0 You reply, \u201cOh, it was really nothing.\u00a0 Anyone could do that.\u201d You discount the fact that you\u2019ve worked long and effectively.\u00a0 No wonder accomplishments aren\u2019t fun.\u00a0 You could just as easily have replied, \u201cThanks\u201d (and tell yourself, \u201cI do deserve special credit for doing this difficult and boring task\u201d).\u00a0 You would give a loved one or friend credit where it\u2019s due.\u00a0 Why not do yourself the same favor?<\/span><\/p>\n

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UNFAVORABLE COMPARISONS<\/span><\/i><\/p>\n

Suppose you had an unusual magnifying glass that magnified some things (like your faults and mistakes, or the strengths of others) and shrunk others (like your strengths, and the mistakes of others). In comparison to others, you would always seem inadequate or inferior – always coming out on the short end of the stick.\u00a0\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

For example, you think to yourself: \u201cI\u2019m only a housewife and mother\u201d (minimizing your strengths).\u00a0 Jan\u2019s a rich, bright lawyer\u201d (magnifying another\u2019s strengths).\u00a0 Your friend replies: \u201cBut you\u2019re an excellent homemaker.\u00a0 You\u2019ve been great with your kids.\u00a0 Jan\u2019s an alcoholic.\u201d To which you respond: \u201cYes, but (minimizing another\u2019s faults and your accomplishments) look at the cases she\u2019s won! She\u2019s the one who really contributes! (Magnifying another\u2019s strengths.)\u201d\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

A way to challenge this distortion is to ask, \u201cWhy must I compare? Why can\u2019t I just appreciate that each person has unique strengths and weaknesses? Another\u2019s contributions are not necessarily better, just different.\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n

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CATASTROPHIZING<\/span><\/i><\/p>\n

When you believe that something is a catastrophe, you tell yourself that it is so horrible and awful that \u201cI can\u2019t stand it!\u201d\u00a0 In telling ourselves this, we convince ourselves that we are too feeble to cope with life.\u00a0 For example, \u201cI couldn\u2019t stand it if she were to leave me.\u00a0 It would be awful!\u201d Although many things are unpleasant, inconvenient, and difficult, we can really stand anything short of being steamrolled to death, as Albert Ellis has said.\u00a0 So one might think, \u201cI don\u2019t like this, but I certainly <\/span>can<\/span><\/i> stand it.\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n

Asking the following questions will challenge the belief that something will be a catastrophe:<\/span><\/p>\n