Let’s get into it!
I put together the following lists because I noticed a lack of what I call “addressing coping skills.” Many people seek counseling because of unhealthy coping skills, and most of them already practice what I call “distracting coping skills,” which are just as important. Problems start when these three are out of balance.
Unhealthy coping skills
- Overworking, overeating, overexercising, oversleeping
- Alcohol, drugs, smoking
- Self-harm, including cutting or restricting food
- Suicidal thoughts
- Isolation
- Infidelity
- Risk-taking and dangerous behavior
- Promiscuity
- Helping others at the expense of your Self
- Avoidance
- Overcompensation
- Control issues and rigidity
Distracting coping skills
- Reading, television, computer, video games
- Socializing and entertainment
- Exercise, walking, the gym, sports
- Meditation and relaxation
- Art and music
- Clubs, groups and volunteering
- Hobbies and travel
Addressing coping skills
- Psychotherapy and psycho-education
- Journaling
- Assertive communication (expressing your needs)
- Open communication (with an emphasis on curiosity)
- Art and music
- Prayer
- Accurate self-talk
- A self-care baseline: sleep, diet (less fast and processed food), physical activity, relaxation, entertainment, and time in nature
I bold accurate self-talk and a self-care baseline because I consider them the most powerful addressing coping skills for both the psychology and the biology of a person. Inaccurate self-talk explodes into anxiety, and self-neglect is very, very depressing.
My job in therapy is to support you while you invest in your Self. That means I explore any lack of motivation with you, keep you accountable to the goals you set, and offer validation, perspective and options for your efforts and obstacles. I’m not a “yes therapist,” though. Just because I point out your growth areas doesn’t mean I’m judging you.
And consistency is key, not to be confused with perfection. Clients will proudly report, “I got a wonderful eight hours of sleep last night!” I nod approval, then ask, “And the nights before…?” They get a little bashful, and together we remember that consistency is key.
Whether you work with me or another therapist, covering this foundation of coping skills will cut the time, energy and money it takes to invest in yourself. Because what if you’re not aggressive or anxious, you’re just “hangry”?
If you are having thoughts of suicide or self-harm, call or text 988 any time.
Related tools: To Be a Good Parent, Spouse, Person and Boundaries.