Yes, there are books and books (and now social media and the internet, etc.) about Boundaries.  Here’s how I break down this concept for application!

BOUNDARIES

Boundaries keep Self and Others Safe.

Emotions give us information about our Boundary Status: crossed, respected, ignored, etc.  

Boundaries can be physical and mental.

Examples of physical boundaries:

Time

Frequency

Distance

Body

Examples of mental boundaries are in the form of Communication:

When yes’s are received with follow-up

When no’s are received with respect and trust

When maybe’s are received with understanding and curiosity

When I don’t know’s are received with patience and creativity

Yes’s are easy enough.

The no’s really challenge trust issues so that can get more complicated.

Maybe’s and I don’t know’s need to be addressed just as much as the others, not left to frustration.  

If you’d appreciate elaboration or assistance with identifying, expressing AND enforcing Boundaries, hit up my calendar and we’ll continue from there-

I capitalized AND because people tend to forget that having boundaries isn’t enough; one must express and enforce them.  And when one is new to this concept one tends to feel guilty during expression and enforcement.  This is when I begin to work on the distinction between True and False Guilt.

  Oh my gawd, April – what is False Guilt??  

I’m posting another blog about that one under, “Emotional Management 101.”

Why are we trying to use Boundaries to become and stay Safe?  What’s the big deal about Safety?

Without it one cannot be curious.

Without it one becomes emotionally stunted, relying on survival instincts and denial mechanisms.  

Without it one cannot take healthy risks (yes, risk is as dangerous as it is necessary).

The human condition is curious and emotional and revels in risk.

Ask yourself now if you feel safe?  Do you let others feel safe? If you answered no to either one of these questions I can help you with that, if you’re so inclined.